Shadow Work - Releasing the Weight of Your Former Self

Deep within, you carry with you every one you've ever been in your past. 

You carry your ancestors, and you carry with you generational trauma from your past and your ancestors past.  Healing that trauma, learning a new belief system and breaking the chains that prevent you from experiencing true inner peace and harmony will change everything for you and your family. 

Otherwise you might unconsciously end up reliving your past, or living your mother or fathers life.  You never want history to repeat itself.  You want to create your own life and be a history maker!  You want to change the trajectory of your family legacy so that you can wake up healthy, happy, liberated, joyful, and feeling fully alive.  Releasing the weight of your past will be the only away you can find true personal freedom, health and happiness.

So often we look to others as if they are the problem, but everyone in our life is simply a mirror reflection of us so we have to ensure we are healed and whole and we are being the the change we want to see in this world  Otherwise we can make other people's lives a living hell as we project our own limitations, fears, and deep rooted insecurities onto them.

   

When a person is holding onto excess weight there is a very good reason for it, and sometimes that excess weight cannot be released by eating healthy foods, working out, and doing all the right things. Sometimes that excess weight can only be released by turning inward and becoming our own best friends and loving ourselves unconditionally.  This unconditional love is not only is for the person you are today, but for every version of yourself you've been in your past.  

Until you have made amends and accepted all parts of yourself, someone might find themselves gaining back unwanted weight and no matter what they do they don't achieve the results they are truly looking for.  That's when deeper spiritual work is needed and necessary.

In order to experience true inner peace and health you have to understand that you will always be somewhat fractured.  You will have a true higher self, and you will have a lesser version of yourself.  Because as humans we are always wanting to grow and evolve that lesser version of yourself will do everything in it's power to bring you down until you give her what she wants. 

She wants to be loved and she wants to be accepted and seen.

Say for example someone who has battled their weight their whole life.  While they might have achieved weight loss many times before until they do this deep relationship mending they will find a way for the weight to come back and often times there is a deep rooted reason why. 

In Marianne Williamson's book, a Course in Weight she talks about writing a letter to your old self and I can say this process will work for you and uncover many things that could be holding you back.  Journalling and writing a letter to your old self that comes from your new self is powerful.  Writing a letter from your old self to your new self will give you clues to some deeper healing that needs to take place.

When writing your letters you can put on some soft music, and simply breathe.  Stay present and allow the pen to flow onto the page.  Write what you really feel and don't hold back.  You might be surprised with what flows onto the pages and what deeper healing needs to take place and what is truly blocking you.  

Here is a beautiful example of this dark shadow work and healing your inner child and releasing the chains from your old self so that you can live authentically in the present and be free of pain and suffering.

Dear Old Negative Fat Self. (A letter from your best self)

Your whole life you have been an insecure bitch.  You've hated everyone who appears to be happy and you blame everyone else thinking that they are the problem.  Meanwhile it's you.  You're the one who is not living her life.  You're the negative fat ass who sits with her face in a phone playing small with her life.  No wonder your ass is fat and you have a double chin. You sit there with your face in your computer screen working all the while you look like shit and you're ignoring your family.  You're completely consumed with yourself, how you look, what others think of you, and all you think about is yourself, what to eat, what to wear, and how to make money.  You're an ungrateful greedy pig who slops on your clothes and stinks up the house with your bad smelling gas because all you think about is what's wrong with you.  What is wrong with you?  Why do you put work and others above taking care of yourself.  You even put a damn dog before your own needs.  Start taking care of yourself.  Stop looking for some quick fix, some new supplement, or some magical solution.  You're fat because you carry shame and are insecure.  You're anxious because you're stuck in your head and always think people hate you and are talking about you.  You're fat because you don't want to get hurt again.  You're fat because you want to be seen but yet you sit there shy and scared to be your true fucking self.  You're fat because you've been blaming others and were ripped off from the childhood you truly deserved.  You're fat because all you do is sit there and complain about what's not working, what you don't have, and what's not right.  No wonder you've been addicted to food, cigarettes, booze, shopping work and social media.  You need to get a life and start living your purpose!  You need to let some fucking shit go and live your life right now.  The past is over, and you have your whole life in front of you.  There's nothing wrong with you except the fact that you've been spending too much time in the past and blaming everyone else.  Shame is on you because you're embarrassed by how you look and how you dress and you think that you're not pretty enough or fit enough.  You know you can do better and yet you sit there waiting for a perfect time to move or show the hell up.  Show the fuck up for yourself.  Stop overeating and numbing yourself with wine and food.  Stop looking for your husband to be better and you go be better!   Stop nagging and complaining.  Now listen, I see you.  I love you. I respect you.  I think you're smart, and incredible but I won't hang around you anymore if you don't get your shit together.  Sure you've been through hell in your life, but don't you want to experience what heaven feels like?  Don't you want to be happy?  Don't you want to create the life of your dreams and make your life truly mean something?  It's no wonder you have no real friends and you feel out of place.  You're a loser who has been so mean to people simply because you're miserable in your own life and you've been broken.  Get a life, do the work, or get the fuck out of my face.  xo. Your Higher Self.

Dear New Perfect Healthy Bitch (A letter from your old self)

I've been watching you my whole life and I hate you simply because you are so beautiful and successful.  Everything about you makes me sick to my stomach simply because you're everything I want to be.  From your hair, nails, your perfect skin and wrinkle free face, perfect clean home, perfect tanned body, Lululemons, and your cute fucking dog.  I hate how you have incredibly fun loving friends and I hate how much your family loves you. I hate how peaceful and happy you are.  I hate how you can eat anything you want and not gain weight.  I eat like a bird and just look at a bag of chips and gain 5 pounds.  I hate how focused, driven, and committed you are to your family and your work and what lights your heart and soul on fire.  I hated seeing you wanting more for yourself and your family and couldn't understand why on earth you'd want more especially when you've already got so much.  I've felt empty and unworthy and like I've had nothing my whole life, so I tried to stop you from investing into yourself and having what it is you truly want.  I hate how you can travel the world, and spend time with your family whenever you want,  I hate how how blessed you are and how God has given you so much and you seem to get everything you want.  I hate how energized, creative, and confident you are.  I hate how things just come easy to you and that your life seems like it's simple and enjoyable.  I hate how relaxed, in love and how fucking happy you are.  I don't even believe that's possible, but then when I see you I sometimes wonder if it's possible and if I have it all backwards.  I've never had any of that, and I want that so badly for myself but feel stuck and trapped in my body.  When you felt and looked your absolute greatest, were at the height of your career, and were the most successful in your life, that's when I wanted to come out and play and make your life a living hell.  I felt threatened by your success and it felt like I had to compete with you to be seen.  I made you think that you weren't enough because my whole life I've never felt good enough.  I have made your life a living hell because you have risen higher and removed things from my life that I once loved so much, most of it being junk food.  I still crave those things sometimes and by you not allowing me to have my favourite things I fucking hate you for it.  You've starved me and deprived me.  You know that you can still eat some junk food, enjoy a glass of wine, and skip a workout once in a while and enjoy your fucking life a little!  My god, you're not going to gain the weight back so stop being scared of that!  You might just find that you're happier, your anxiety will be gone, you won't be cold all the time, and you'll feel better too.  Eat!  Feed yourself breakfast lunch and dinner.  Eat your snacks, drink your damn water and stop overthinking and overanalyzing everything.  Everything became too serious with you and you became a control freak for a while.  You turned into someone that needed a reality check so that you could ground yourself it what was truly important.  That's why I have kept self-sabotaging you.  That's why I kept you hidden and isolated from people with a few extra pounds on.  That's why I kept you constantly fixated on your body.  That's why I kept you hanging around low level losers not doing anything more with their life.  That's why I kept you scared to leave people and robbed you of your confidence and self-worth.  I made you feel like people hated you, rejected you, and that you were ugly, gross, and unwanted.  I wanted you to know how I've felt when you left me behind and forgot all about me.  I made you jealous and envious of others.  But really those were my own childhood issues that I needed to get over.  I've kept you at war with yourself and made you feel like you were going crazy, but that's only so you could truly come to know your own truth and what you are capable of.  The truth is I hate the fact that you've found your purpose in life and are helping so many people, and here I am going to a dead end job, looking like a sac of shit, working my ass off to barely get ahead and yet I can't ever get ahead and my ass is still fat as fuck even though I'm run off my feet most days and so busy.  You're not a bitch.  You're an incredible person and you are phenomenal wife, and mother too.  You work extremely hard and I feel like a lazy fat ass that's not doing enough.  Oh, and I kept creating drama and problems for you simply because I wanted some attention and I wanted you to stop and really take care of yourself.  Because I never felt good enough around you, and you never repaired your relationship with me and ditched me, I have a caused so much pain in your life. I've made you attract anxious losers, and addicts.  I have made you attract people who have taken advantage of you and have stolen from you.  You're welcome for that because it made you realize that your inner energy is everything and that I'm the negative force that's sucking the life and joy from you.  I look up to you because I want to be you, but I do everything in my  power to bring you down and tear you apart.  That's my only job and it makes me feel better about myself.  I do everything in my power to be seen by you.  I want to be your friend.  I want to be loved by you.  I want to be you but I keep coming back to haunt you because you've been so mean to me and pick at me every time you look in the mirror and I just want to feel like I matter to you.  I am not a fat person I just have been called fat for years now (mostly by you) so that's become my reality and that's why I haven't left you alone.  Even now when you look in the mirror you can sometimes still call me fat and that makes me feel shame.  You have never seen me for who I really am or have never seen or appreciated me.  You've never seen my potential.  You've only ever seen my flaws, my weaknesses, and my fat gross body.  I want to feel like you acknowledge my greatness, talent and hard work and you've never once done that.  You've never praised me.  You've only ever criticized me.  So that's why I keep you living in hell tormenting you anyway I can think of.  I keep you from living peacefully.  I keep you trying this and trying that knowing full well that you'll be miserable.  You don't need any new supplements, vitamins, or programs that will help you lose weight or tone up.  You don't need to push harder in the gym.  You don't need to do anything more.  What you are doing right now is perfect and more than good enough.  You simply need to love me and love yourself.  You simply need to accept me and accept yourself.  I've build walls around you with some extra layers of fat simply to protect you from being hurt and taken advantage of but now I know you can hold your own.  You're confident.  You're full of love and respect for yourself.  You've healed yourself, you've done the work, and you love others so much.  You are a Queen and you deserve all of your success because you've put up with my bullshit for the last 30 years.  The pain and tension in your body will be released when you can take a chill pill, relax, have fun, and be okay with being your true self.  Don't give a shit what others think of you. Keep following your own heart and listening and trusting yourself. I know who I am and I know the calling that God has placed on my heart.  I simply need to believe it for myself and align with you as one.  I need to act like myself instead of acting like this lazy fucking negative fat ass that's always tired with greasy hair and a stain on her cheap ass shirt.  I love you and I am sorry for all of the pain I have caused you. Go be even greater you bitch.  People like me hate seeing people like you in real life but eventually we come around.  Thank you for loving me and for being so grateful for me. I've taught you so much and without me you wouldn't be the glorious person you are today.  Please know that from time to time I may still appear and rear my ugly negative head, but you just need to say hello, acknowledge me, be kind to me when you look in the mirror, praise me, tell me I am beautiful, and love me unconditionally.  I will do the same for you and bring you peace.  I will always be with you cheering you on and supporting you.  You have the most beautiful family and life and it's time for you to relax and truly enjoy it.  You've earned it all.  xo. Your Former Fat Self.

You see, these letters can seem cruel and mean but if you unpack them you can see some deep rooted wounds that have been brought to the surface.  You can see that the bottom line is love.  You can see that as you rise you will always have counter forces trying to bring you bring you down until you see those counter forces for who they really are and love and acknowledge them.  You will see that the counter force is always within your own mind and body.

You can clearly see that a trauma occurred in the past and that the former fat self was hurt, and has been living her life insecure and not doing more with her life because of her past wounds.  You can also see that the former fat self wants no part of that life and that hate consumed her life.  You can also see how the new self might not be fully embracing her brilliance and isn't living her life peacefully and enjoying it simply because she's been at war with her old self and listening to her old negative self.  But you can see that what your highest self always wants is health, happiness, quality, cleanliness, peace, union with truth, love, peace, acceptance, relationships, acknowledgment, life, family, success, abundance, and to enjoy every moment of your life.

You can see that nobody ever wants to get hurt or taken advantage of.  You can see that we all want to be protected and that sometimes in our attempts to play it safe we build walls around us, keep excess weight on and keep love and joy out.  

You can see how weight loss and optimal health requires deeper spiritual work and that another diet or supplement might help short term but will never work in the long run.

You can see that there will always be a negative and positive within you and that you have to make the relationship a positive, harmonious one.  

You can see how when someone is unhappy in their own life they project their fears and insecurities onto others without even realizing it.

You can see how negative thoughts and negative energies within us cause aliments such as anxiety, depression, financial difficulties, pain, tension, and digestion issues.  Negative old fat self was "sick to her stomach" seeing a better version.  There's no wonder negative fat self would experience digestion issues like bad smelling gas to keep others away.  Former fat ass was working harder than ever trying to get ahead but still not getting anywhere, and it's no wonder as that was her deep rooted belief and story she would tell herself.

You can see how the quality of your relationships will depend on the quality of the relationship you have with yourself first. 

You can see that there are still elements of the old person and the new person and they are still the same to some degree, but they are a team that needs to work together.

You can also see that this work always starts and stops with you and that your life can be whatever you want it to be but until you get to the root cause of the issue, shine light onto it, do the deep inner spiritual work, the pain won't ever go away and you will always be tormented and at war with yourself.  

You can see that rejection, isolation, jealousy, hate and envy will be the very thing needed in order for you to come home to yourself and find true inner peace, happiness, and health.

You can see how body pain is deeply connected to releasing insecurity, fear, self-doubt and actually believing, trusting and enjoying your life.

You can see how God places a calling on everyone's life and if you're not living that calling and rising higher you will be in pain and will continue to suffer.

You can see how your higher self doesn't care what happened to you, who did what, or what's wrong with you.  You can see how your higher self doesn't want to hear it and doesn't want to be around you if you're negative and complaining.  You can see how your higher self will call you out on your own bullshit so you can change your own life, and simply sees your greatness.  You can see how your higher self wants you to get your shit together and soar higher in your own life so you can be happy and free.  You can see how your lower self has a lot of baggage, a lot to say, a lot of excuses, and won't shut the hell up.

You can see how hate will rob you of the quality of your life and that anyone who hates you really is just someone who is hurt and broken.

You can see that love is always the bottom line.

There are many reasons as to why someone is experiencing weight issues, chronic pain, digestion issues, or deep and dark depression.  Those issues can stem back all the way to childhood, relationship issues with parents, divorce, addiction in the bloodline, past traumas or sickness, and until someone shines light onto their fears and looks deep within to what could truly be holding them back and lingering back there in the shadows they most likely will continue to go around in circles.

So today try it!  Get your journal and pen out and do this deep inner shadow work.  No matter where you are in your journey, personal development and self-reflection is needed and necessary.

If you find yourself not experiencing true inner peace, happiness, health, energy, confidence, and inner harmony, and contentment with the beautiful creation that you are write some letters and get to the bottom of it! 

Then be sure to join my Life Worth Living Challenge today so that we can rise even higher and transform your life from inside out! 

Go to www.lindayrose.ca/liveyourlife and sign up now.

xo

Lindsay