It's my last day of being 41.
As I reflect on this past year, all I can say is that I am so proud of the woman, wife, and mother I have become.
When someone goes through a deep dark depression, or a dark night of the soul and exhaustion sweeps over their life, it generally means it’s time for some deep rest.
Their soul is crying out and is so tired of the character they have been playing, and is tired of the “life” they’ve been “living”, because at the heart of it, they weren’t really living their own life.
That darkness means it’s time for a change. It’s time for healing. It’s time for a rebirth. It’s time for growth.
Looking back you can always see so clearly about who you were being, the roles you were caught up in, how broken and insecure you were, the lies you were telling yourself, where you were settling, the fake smiles and the masks you were wearing, and sometimes that person isn’t anyone you’d ever want to be, or someone you’d ever be proud of.
What I’ve learned the most these past few years is that God will put you through hell just so you can learn to take care of yourself and love yourself the way you truly deserve.
God will put you through hell so you can stand so proud and confident in yourself.
God will put you through hell so you can learn to drown out the voices of everyone else, and learn to tap in, listen and trust your own higher power.
God will put you through hell just so you can lose your identity in the things you so thought were important (like money, your job title, where you live, the house you have, the car you drive, the body you have) so that you find your true identity in something far greater than yourself.
So yes, I’ve changed, aged, and grown up in a big way. I can’t say it’s been easy, but I can say with my whole heart it’s been worth it.
It’s taken me a very long time to unlearn habits, addictions, thought patterns, and beliefs that kept me in pain, chained and bound to a life that wasn’t necessarily my own.
It’s taken many tears, and many dark moments where I’ve asked God to come and help me just get out of bed each morning.
It’s taken many moments of facing fears, embracing courage, following my own heart, unfollowing the herd, and stepping boldly towards the truth of myself.
It’s taken leaving certain people, removing myself from toxic environments, forgiving people, forgiving myself, and embracing the separation and loneliness to discover something far greater within myself that money could never buy.
That kind of stuff looks good on you, and it feels even better.
So here’s to new beginnings and a new trip around the sun as I take on 42 being the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been in my entire life.
Thank you so much for being here, for following along, and for all of the love, support, and doing this hard work right along side of me.
This work we do on ourselves never ends and it's the greatest gift you can ever give the world.
A happy, healthy, and free version of yourself.
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