And Then I Heard Myself Speak

One afternoon, I found myself looking for jobs.

I knew I wanted to increase my income.

I knew I wanted to travel more with my family.

I also knew that finding another job wouldn't actually give me the lifestyle I wanted.

Sure, I might have been making more money, but time freedom, fun, and joy?

That wasn't going to happen managing other people's finances or selling things for other people.

And the lifestyle I truly wanted?

It wasn't going to happen making $150K a year, either. This was a fact.

My résumé was two pages long, with over 20 years of extensive work experience.

You name it. I probably did it.

But here's when something incredible happened.

I got very quiet, and in that stillness...

I heard myself.

"This is all fucking stupid."

"I don't want to do any of this shit."

"I don't even want a job."

It was almost like I was having a conversation with myself.

My real self. My deeper self. The self I had somehow shut down and silenced over the years.

And in that instant, I closed my laptop, and I completely agreed.

Yes, it was all fucking stupid.

I didn't want to do any of that shit.

And no...

I didn't want a job, and I didn't want to work for anyone else.

It was just that I was scared I wasn't going to have enough or be provided for.

I wanted to do what I was created to do, but discovering that took some time.

It took bravery.

It took many dark nights.

Many tears.

A lot of self-doubt.

A lot of frustration.

A lot of failure.

A lot of soul-searching.

It also took sitting alone with myself in the unknown space of not knowing what I was going to do with the rest of my life.

And it also took a massive amount of self-trust.

It's very uncomfortable at times to stay true to yourself and say no when it's easier to say yes because you're scared, worried, stressed, bored, lonely, or overwhelmed.

But what I've discovered...

You only end up hurting yourself that way.

So maybe today you needed this reminder too...

In saying NO to someone else...

You're usually saying YES to yourself.

And that...

Well, that's saying yes to your own beautiful life and trusting that whatever is meant to be will be, and that the path you're meant to walk in this lifetime will eventually reveal itself.

Have the most beautiful day.

Lindsay

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Additional Reads:

Wake Up and Live - 101 Days of Deep Inner Work to Transform Your Life

Rising Higher - 101 Days of Rising Happy, Healthy and Free to Serve a Greater Good

Personal Power - 101 Day of Relentless Action Forward

Life Worth Living - A 28-Day Guide to Inner Peace, Love, and Joy