Sometimes Enough isn't Enough..

Sometimes enough is NOT enough, and so it’s time to embark on this next phase…. Surgery.

A surgery I have waited nearly 16 years for.

Yes I am SO BLESSED for this body of mine. Everything it has done for me, everything it has given me, but sometimes all the positive self talk, the motivational quotes.. it’s just not enough… well not for me anyways.

At 36, I am HEALTHIEST and the STRONGEST I have ever been. I eat clean 95% of the time, and workout 5-6 times a week following the guidance from PROFESSIONAL trainers and a team of nutritionists. I’ve battled OBESITY my entire life. I went from a size 22 to a size 2, and have NO WEIGHT TO LOSE.  I have lost 80 pounds before children. 140 pounds of baby weight and was JUST trained by a world class super trainer that came streamed live to my living room everyday! I’ve maintained my weight loss for 16 YEARS, So I simply ask RESPECTFULLY that you do not JUDGE this part of my story from the chapter you may have walked in on.

I hummed and hawed about sharing THIS piece of my transformation journey publicly, but I decided I am doing REAL LIFE HERE, and I will always keep it real.

This is MY STORY to share, no shame attached and sometimes for certain people, WEIGHT LOSS and getting healthy has it’s downfalls.. LOOSE hanging SKIN, wrinkly skin, deformities, and separated muscles (Diastastis Recti), that CANNOT be changed or improved by simple diet and exercise alone... Trust me. It’s not for a lack of not trying.

I know people struggle with this, so I’m choosing to have COURAGE and be vulnerable here… I see it everyday, and even after all the HARD WORK, you’re left with some disappointment. I want to be that voice that says to those women who feel or have felt this way, that its 100% OKAY to do something about that if you feel in your heart it’s the right thing for you.💕

I want to be VERY CLEAR here though…. The ONLY thing that will work LONG TERM in terms of weight loss is a lifestyle change. Healthy Eating. Portion Control. Exercise, and as health and fitness coach who helps people DAILY to change their lifestyle and to get healthy, eat healthy, lose weight and tone up.. This is NOT by ANY MEANS an easy way out.

This is NOT a weight loss tactic, and I feel this should NEVER EVER be considered until you’ve DONE THE WORK, know how to EAT HEALTHY, exercise, and have changed your Lifestyle, and are at your GOAL weight, are MENTALLY STRONG, and have MAINTAINED your goal weight for years.

Both scared and super excited, I will have a pretty major SURGERY on Tuesday to repair my separated muscles and remove this loose skin that I so hate tucking into my pants. So long dresses with “rooshing”...

Simply put… My outside doesn’t match my insides. It hasn’t for YEARS. 16 years to be exact since I’ve lost the bulk of my weight. For those 16 years I have looked in the mirror EVERY DAY, and said.. ONE DAY… ONE DAY it will be MY time. I’ve picked, I’ve pulled. I’ve CRIED. I’ve called myself mean names. I’ve been ASHAMED. I have battled. I have asked myself WHY. I have felt LESS THAN. I have felt DEFEATED. I’ve tucked this into my pants, and covered up because I’ve felt ASHAMED, and embarrassed. I’ve worked my ASS OFF..and I’m also very PROUD.

So friends after 16 years of waiting….. It’s FINALLY…. MY DAMN TIME! 👊💕The cherry 🍒 on top!

I am 100% supported by the ones who love me, my doctors, and my surgeon, and I truly appreciate all the love and support as I venture onto this next phase of my journey.

I’ll be off for a good 6 weeks. No workouts, but that’s OK.. ABS are MADE IN THE KITCHEN anyways .. and I’m pretty sure there’s at least a 4 pack hiding under here! 

I am still 100% committed to helping all of my amazing beautiful ladies that I have the honour of coaching and mentoring, and will be back in full force with my workouts in January.

Wish me luck. If you have questions I’m always happy to chat about it.

Such a mix of emotions for me today. Scared. Nervous. Excited. I’ve been crying on and off all day.

You know the beautiful thing about this LIFE of ours?? We can be the HERO in our OWN STORY... at any time.

We can create a NEW ENDING... or we can keep rereading the same chapters over and over again...and that becomes pretty lame after a while.

I listened to something pretty powerful the other day, and wanted to share.

TRUE STORY

It will begin with a call, and YOUR STORY ends when you DENY that call. It will make for a pretty BORING life story when you deny that little inner voice.

You can choose your DESTINY, or you choose to DENY IT. Deep down you KNOW the answer, yet most choose denial.

The BRAVE ones who listen to the call, are in for a real treat, but it will be all be WORTH it!

You will then be faced with the Roads of Trials… The challenges, the setbacks, the detours.

Then the CHARACTERS will show up. You know the friends who love you, the friends who are enemies, the tricksters, the assholes that teach you very valuable life lessons, and of course the angels 👼 .

Then comes ROCK BOTTOM, where you WILL lose all faith, you will consider giving up, quitting or even dying…..

and THEN… Wait for it… 👉The POWER COMES! You will discover your true STRENGTH, your talents, and you will prepared for battle!

The REAL BATTLE… You will lose YOUR FEAR, and then you know you CAN face anything, you will LIVE, you will THRIVE, and you WILL be VICTORIOUS!

So friends, I ask you to think about YOUR STORY.. and think long and hard about the chapter you keep rereading, KNOW that at ANY given moment you have the power to say this is NOT how my story is going to end, and rewrite the ending!

Catch you on the flip side. First thing tomorrow, I’ll be losing this skin once and for all, as this character no longer serves a purpose in MY story. SO bittersweet, but one thing I know is true, it’s never EVER too late for a happy ending 💕

The Morning Of..

As good as it gets.. The day of my surgery I took one last look in the mirror after sleeping at our hotel.  I've worked my butt off to get to where I am, and there is NO fixing loose skin and separated muscles. Time for this to GO. I'm not going to miss it.

Am I scared?  No. I'm more excited than anything.  

Sure the thought of "what if I don't wake up from this popped through my head", but I like to believe that kind of stuff is out my hands.

Dr. Ahmad and Dr. Lista were amazing.  

You ever have someone take a sharpie to your body and tell you that you're going to look amazing? Kind of weird to be standing there placing your future body in the hands of another, but I trusted and believed I was in great hands.

The good news was that no liposuction was required! It's just all muscle and loose skin there. Cannot wait to see my final results.

Not going to lie though.... I did have a slight moment of panic before drifting off to a deep sleep but I counted backwards and pictured myself vacationing on the beach in Hawaii.  

I woke up...

I'm alive! I'm alive! That's really the only thing I cared about. Went to sleep around 9:30am, woke up around 2:30pm. Surgery went well! Drugs were amazing too, and was sent home to our hotel with a bucket of pain pills, a pain pump and called it a night!

Pretty sure I was chatting a lot when I woke up, but don't remember much besides the fact that I was just so happy all went well.

Dr. Ahmad called that evening to make sure all was okay which was amazing and so thoughtful.  I wasn't expecting a phone call, but it was so nice to receive.

The Next Morning..

Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end ~ Robin Sharma💕

Well friends... Not my usual morning post, and I do miss my runners and sweat session already. Instead I am sporting compression stockings and I’m wrapped up like a sausage. Slept on and off, and I’ve been getting caught up on some great audio books.

I’m hobbling around like a 100 year old, but I managed to wash my face and put on some mascara to make me feel a little more human today.... Appetite is getting there and I ordered 🍣sushi from Uber Eats last night...best ever!

Embarking on Day 2, and I won’t lie. The pain is pretty intense today. I’ve got a nice pain pump, a boat load of other meds and I’m sleeping as much as I can as soon as they knock me out.

Everything went amazing, and all that was there on my belly was muscle and loose skin... No fat removal needed at all.

I’m back to the clinic today, then I’ll be heading home sweet home 

My momma bird has been taking amazing care of me, then it will be my husbands turn as I can’t do much...I’ll be the 4th child for at least 1-2 weeks.

Thank you for all of the kind messages, questions of concern, and texts.. truly means a lot to me. Will keep you posted.

Bandages Off..

Brace yourselves.. It's real. It's raw. I look like a freak show, but hold on.. all of this will be smooth and flat, and the lines and wrinkles will go away. The scar will fade, and it will all be worth it. Not going to lie when I tell you this. I've had 3 c-sections, and nothing compares to this kind of pain. The nurse removed my pain pump today, and so I am back home to rest and recover with my boat load of meds!

Nurse Lori was incredible and truly a God send.  "You don't need to be a hero she told me", and just hearing those words made me feel so much better.

Truth is, it hurt, and it was a very humbling experience to go through needing help and support.  

As a momma of 3, I'm always Go.Go.Go.. and now, it's time for me to be Slow. Slow. Slow. Embracing it!

On the Road to Recovery...

Day 3... Total Fake smile... Can you tell.

Todays mantra: Growth is Painful. Change is painful, but NOTHING is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.

Good days and bad days, they told me… Today would probably be the bad kind of day. Kind of like ANY transformation! When you want change, it’s not easy.

Truth be told, I cried this morning... Even crying hurt. “Rough” being an understatement.

I received a much needed message from a friend last night that put it all into perspective for me.

“You got this! The physical pain has got to out weigh the emotional ups and downs over the past 16 years”…

And she was right. I DO got this, and nothing will ever compare to the years of emotional ups and downs over the years associated with obesity and weight loss... it’s a hard battle... a battle I finally won.

So the real honest TRUTH is this: You get this ONE life to live. It will be filled with ups, downs, setbacks, tears, happiness, resentment, joy, grief, failure, shame, guilt, anger, pain, bliss, gratitude....

What YOU choose to focus on and change is entirely up to you. The PAIN is ALWAYS temporary, unless of course you choose to wallow in the bad spots and stay stuck there for far too long.

Even though some days in life may suck, YOU always have a choice. You can always choose to focus on the good, as through PAIN, comes STRENGTH, and with strength comes VICTORY.

You can’t have one without the other. Life just doesn’t work that way.

Had my first shower today and that process took about 2 hours.. lol

My mom, and my husband both were spectators and yes. I did need them both.  Got a little woozy. Needed to take a break, but heck.  I'm clean now, and yes. It was worth it!  

Day 4 Recovery..

Initially I was scared to open up about my need for a tummy tuck to remove my loose abdominal skin and to repair my separated muscles (Diastastis Recti).

When your job is to share on social media.. it’s a tough some days. Part of me felt SHAME. Part of me felt like some would think less of me. Part of me was embarrassed. The bigger part of me needed to be HONEST so I could move forward and HEAL.

As I got QUIET with myself, there was this tiny voice inside that kept saying..

Ah. FUCK IT Lindsay! Share it, and keep it real so others don’t feel so alone, and so that others won’t feel SHAME either. Theres no shortage of “highlight reels”... and “happy” and “perfect” out there. I’ll shall always keep it real, for I know SILENCE is SUFFERING.... and perfect just doesn’t exist.

There was NOTHING more I could have personally done. What was removed from my midsection was ALL skin. No fat at all. No need for liposuction. Just muscle and skin there.

How am I feeling today? Well I won’t lie… Yesterday was awful. A simple task of showering took about 2 hours, and I nearly passed out twice. Today. I’m alive and smiling, and I haven’t moved from my bed, and my hair is 99% dry shampoo.

One would WONDER WHY I would put myself through this… Trust me, I swore like a sailor yesterday and asked myself WHY I’d pay to have this done too.  A moment of weakness.

Truth be told, the YEARS of emotional baggage of looking in the mirror and hating a piece of your body is NOT easy. It’s WAAAAY HARDER than this.

In MY experience you can lie to yourself... Convince yourself... Try to change your thought patterns and completely BS your way through it saying how “blessed” you are with the body you have... Tell yourself “God made you this way....”.... Come to a place of “acceptance”, but sometimes that is not enough... and you will FEEL it... and you will KNOW it... and if it’s not.. then you have the power to do something about that, and only YOU in your heart of hearts will know what YOU are willing to accept. Being HONEST with yourself.... so you can HEAL... it’s the only way.

For me.... I knew I had to take this final step. No questions asked. I didn’t need permission. I didn’t need reassurance. My mind was made up 16 years ago.

KNOWING that you’ve done EVERYTHING in YOUR POWER To CHANGE, and yet, it never gets better, is tough… And one will NEVER understand until they’ve walked a mile in someones else shoes. Which is why this world should be JUDGEMENT free... Sadly OPINIONS it’s like my newly created belly button.... (everyone has one)

I’ll share more later on the day I booked my surgery, and what that DAY LOOKED LIKE.. and FELT LIKE, but for NOW.... I just sit here and smile through the pain while my husband delivers my food and makes me laugh in his stupid little ways. (not the most romantic way to spend your 2nd wedding anniversary)

NO pain, no gain right? There’s NO DOUBT I made the decision that was best for ME, and so I just keep on keeping on… One day at time.

I did however get a peek at my belly yesterday, and it’s looking AMAZING already.

I’ve had an incredible outpour of women messaging me, asking me questions, and I’ve connected with so many amazing women already all going through the same both on Facebook and on Instagram. You’re definitely not alone... remember that.

Mom Life... 

I think one of the hardest parts of this journey is not being able to do what I "normally do"... Seeing their mommy in bed for the past 4 days is SO different for them. Normally I'm up early and they catch me exercising and dancing around. They see me dressed, taking silly selfies, and working away from home helping my amazing challengers and coaches every day! So for them to see taking it slow is NOT their norm. We are adjusting, and we've been catching up on Christmas movies, and Daddy is getting really good at making meals! ;)

I've got some pretty amazing littles... They are incredible human beings, and it's even more solidified when they come up to see me and they ask me simple questions like "Did you sleep okay mommy?"... "How is your belly?"... "Can I help you down the stairs?".... "What do you think Daddy should make you for sup-sup? (Aka dinner)"...They are kind. They are selfless. They use their manners. They care, and they need their mommy to be OKAY.

You see friends, our littles have NO idea what goes on inside of us. They LOVE and ACCEPT us for just the way we are. They don't care if we are a size 22, or a size 2. They don't care if we have a nice flat tummy, or soft spots. They don't care.. They don't care if you are too embarrassed to have your picture taken.. They just know and love you for all that you are, and want you with them.

They just needs us to be HAPPY, to be HEALTHY and most importantly to be our BEST versions of ourselves.

My kids will always be MY WHY. For I know if I don't take care of me, they end up getting what's left over of me. They don't deserve that.. and neither do I. It's WHY, when I'm healed I will still get up, eat healthy and exercise, not because I SHOULD.. or because I HAVE to... but because I MUST. I MUST be healthy for them. I must take care of myself. I must love myself. I must respect myself enough to eat healthy and to exercise, for I want to stick around for as long as possible, and I don't want them getting the short end of the stick... EVER.

Taking care of yourself isn't something you do just because you've got a vacation coming up, or you're going to "start in January".. it's a DAILY thing, and the moment you realize that.. The moment the game changes.

Take care of yourself EVERY DAY, and respect the ONLY body you have, for ONE DAY it will be too late, and you will WISH you would have taken care of yourself the way you should have when you had the chance.

The APPLE.. doesn't fall far from the tree remember.. If you want your children to grow up happy, healthy, strong, confident, then you gotta LEAD by example. Your children will become who YOU are, so BE who you WANT them to be.

I know I want her to grow into a HEALTHY, strong, confident, powerful, woman who RESPECTS herself and knows HER WORTH. I also want her to know the HER WORTH has absolutely NOTHING to do with a pant size, a 6 pack, or a number on the scale either! ;)

Day 5.. Feeling Stronger

Gotta LOVE the feeling of getting STRONGER! Day 5 and this mama is making a comeback!... Getting stronger everyday.

I say this to my ladies I coach all the time!.. BABY STEPS... take it ONE DAY at a time.. You’ll get STRONGER if you just keep going! Mindset is 🔑 Key!!

This morning I woke up with some pretty intense back pain, mostly because I haven’t been able to sit or stand up straight. They did some major muscle repair, and it’s been like the worst ab workout you could ever imagine. FEEL the BURN taken to a whole new level......BUT....as the day has gone on… I’m feeling SO much better.

Back pain diminished and I’m starting to stand a little straighter.. HECK. I even managed to curl my hair, put on some makeup, and light a pretty smelling candle today. It really is the simple things.

NOWHERE to go today, but it feels good to just FEEL good!! Feels amazing knowing you are getting stronger every day!

I’ll be doing burpees in no time! 

Monday I finally get to leave the house. I may put on some lipgloss for that grand occasion.

You know.. it’s pretty CRAZY.. We often take for granted the simple things in life like being able to MOVE our body while we still CAN, but then when it’s ripped away from us, we would do ANYTHING to move again.

No joke. Don’t EVER take for granted your ability to MOVE your body while you still CAN.. For one day it WILL be too late.

Thank you to all for the amazing messages, flowers, chocolates, fresh fruit, veggie trays, the deliveries.... it truly means so much to me!

Staples are coming out...

The Eagle... it spreads its wings, heads straight INTO the storm so that it can be lifted HIGHER... it doesn’t avoid it. It doesn’t let it stop it. It flies straight for the storm!

Let that settle for a minute...Pretty powerful isn’t it?

Yesterday was a shit storm for me. Day 6, and on top of the pain, it was an emotional roller coaster and one of those days where you remain stuck in your head and wallowing in your own defeat... You know.. bad attitude, snappy, annoyed, sad, and finish it off with some crap food kind of day.

You ever have one of THOSE days??

Where you can’t wait to go to bed, so you can start again??

As I listened to my daily dose of morning motivation and learned something new about the eagle....I smiled, then really forgave myself for the way I let yesterday really get to me... and the crappy human that was presented to my family... cause they sure got the short end of the stick yesterday.

Storms are ALWAYS going to be there, but in order to get through them and soar higher than you’ve ever flown you gotta fly right through them.

Maybe you had a bad day...a bad week, a bad year.... Maybe you felt ugly, useless, like a crappy mom, a crappy wife, and not good enough.

I’m here to remind you that it’s OK. You’re human, and you’re entitled to bad days!

If you’re knocked down that’s OK, but how long you STAY down is totally on you.

Let it go, Embrace it, and hold on to your seats for once you’re through the ⛈ STORM, the view from up above is pretty spectacular!

Have the most beautiful day!

I’m off to get my staples out today! First time out of the house and my pyjamas in a WEEK!... Feels SO damn good!

I made it...

Okay.. this Mama does NOT do well with blood, guts, gore, staples... But I survived!

I'm not entirely sure how many staples have been removed, but my incision is from hip to hip... It's A LOT of damn staples, and I'm good to go. Such relief to have them removed.

Compression socks need to be worn for another week, and my granny girdle for another 5 weeks! Feeling stronger every day!

How are my boobs doing? Well I got them lifted up past by belly button and had a full breast augmentation with implants.  Currently there is not much pain. Easy peasy.

I oped for not too big. Just "normal" looking.. if that's even a thing. Either way, happy with the results so much!

One day at a time...

My heart nearly sunk last night, as I went into Elliott's Nursery... It's been a week since I've been able to lift, or put my baby to bed... I cried, as I couldn't even reach down to touch her as the crib mattress was too low. I just wanted to touch her. To kiss her... Then she woke up, looked up at me, I rolled out there like a slow motion ninja so she wouldn't want to stay up and play... I think THIS has to be the hardest part.

Today I'm able to have her on my lap, snuggle her, and feel her fresh soft hair against my face. Baby steps, but she's still too heavy for me to lift.

While my pain of not being able to hold my baby is merely temporary, and may sound trivial to those mommas out there who suffer deeper, and daily, and forever.. I so acknowledge you. I so admire you. You're strong.

One thing I know is that the the LOVE in our hearts is powerful. SO strong. So real. So intense, that wherever you are, wherever they are, they know that you love them more than anything in this whole wide world.

One day at a time for us. One day at a time. There is no "good time" to have this done.. No perfect timing. It is what it is and we just gotta make the most of it.

So Grateful..

Day 8.. and all I can say is I'm SO thankful for this man right here. Very humbling to have to depend on someone for everything. The man even has to put my socks on. Basically right now he's a single dad to 4 kids (myself being the 4th)... From school drop offs, to laundry, to lunch making, dinner making, diaper changing, bedtime baths, homework, taxi driver.. There aren't enough words to say how thankful I am for him.

I broke down crying yesterday in the kitchen. It's such a hard challenge for me being SO independent to having to rely on someone for everything.  Dennis looked at me like I had two heads, as it's not like me to just burst out in tears, and the pain in my back has been hard for me.  Still hunched over.  Still doing the best I can. 

Day by day it's getting better, and each day I'm getting stronger, but I did stay in my pyjamas all day yesterday and felt a little sorry for myself, so when my head hit the pillow at night I made some goals and got excited for the new day ahead.

Good days and bad days they said.. They weren't lying.

Day 9

Day 9.. and I'm still hobbling around. My garments need to be washed every day, so the only break I get is about 1 hour, then I'm wrapped up like a sausage again.

I'm already SO pleased with how my belly is looking! Still so swollen and still in pain, but taking it one day at time and doing the best I can right now to keep a strong positive mindset, but it's hard some days.

I was up early, and felt so accomplished. I helped get Aria dressed, and even managed to do her hair (which let me tell you.. Dennis needs to take some lessons on).. He's trying!

Even just that simple little win made me feel much better. I'm showered all before 10am, make up and hair done, and I feel human again. Still going to take it easy and work from my bed today.

Day 10

Tummy Tuck Recovery Day 10.

Don’t let all the smiles fool you. Today was the first day I was able to lay with my baby and feed her. I had been craving it.. but just unable to sit with her..or lay with her without pain. I still cannot lift her, or even lift her legs to change her diaper.. Coming from someone who had such physical strength before... THIS is hard.

Today felt SO good. I’ve been having an emotional rollercoaster of mom guilt as I just have been physically incapable of doing much besides self care and rest.

 Everything I do is super slow motion. THAT in itself is hard. I’m still walking super slow, and still spending majority of my day in bed or sitting up. Off all heavy duty meds now, but still having to give myself a needle once a day in each leg, massage my belly with Arnica to help with the swelling and bruising.

I can spend 5 minutes 3x a day laying flat on my back and still am wearing compression socks (super fun), and I’m still wrapped up like a sausage. The good news is that I can now fully shower unsupervised, AND put my own socks on.

Every day is different, but what I can tell you is that this will be WORTH IT.

I showed Dennis my belly today and smiled. I’ve NEVER seen it this flat in my entire life I said, and yet it’s still 70% swollen… and FINALLY for the FIRST time in my ENITRE LIFE, I was able to look at my belly in the mirror and LOVE what I see.

Cue the tears. Even that makes me cry.

Progress

Day 11.. and today is a WIN!

First shower after surgery took 2 hours, 2 people, and that didn’t include a wash, blow dry, clothes, or makeup...

Today, I’m almost up to speed. Wash, blow dry, dressed, and even a set of false lashes... under 45 minutes....

Cause ya know... We are heading to WALMART and I gotta look half decent. 3rd outting for me, and I'm full prepared to use a wheel chair if need be, as yesterdays trip to the grocery store was too much walking.

Slow and steady always wins the race. Flexing today not because I have muscles, but because I'm getting STRONGER every day. Feels good!

The little inconveniences..

I've been wearing these ridiculous looking socks with holes in the toes for nearly 2 weeks now.. Every day I get up, shower, wash my garments, then back on... I won't lie.. I'm not going to miss them. Still taking it easy. The more I do, the more I swell up at the end of the night. So still having to be careful not to over do it!

When I came home from surgery I was prescribed a lot of medications... Mostly for pain, swelling, inflammation.... I've been off all meds for a week now, and this is all I'm left with.

1 injection in the leg once a day to prevent blood clots, extra strength tylenol when I need it and arnicare.

I'm to massage my belly 3 times a day for 5 minutes..

If it HURTS I'm doing it properly.. That begin said inflicting more pain on yourself is never fun, but it's helping oddly enough. Bruising has improved immensely!

2 more days of needles, and then I'm done!

Family is Everything..

Every morning my little Rosie asks if my belly is getting better.

Normally she is use to getting up the meeting me downstairs while I finish my workout, so I think this has been a big change for her to see her mama in bed taking it easy. Soon enough little bean. Soon enough.

Day 13

Mama is feeling good enough to go out for breakfast! It's been a very humbling process for me.. You know when you're out and you sometimes have a person in front of you that is walking SO slow and you're losing your patience. You've got things to do.. places to be.... WELL.. I'm THAT person holding up the line... Taking forever to open a door, and move...

One day we will ALL be moving slower, our bodies won't be working as well, we will grow old, we will need help. Another AHA moment for me.. Patience Lindsay...Karma is a bitch isn't it?

Can we just talk about how much laughing, coughing, crying and sneezing hurts?

One does not know how much you need your abs for, my my god.. Whatever I do, I try to avoid all of the above as much as humanly possibly. Still bruised, swollen, but yet I'm standing a little taller! Progress!

Socks are gone!

Day 14.. and I can tell I'm getting back to my regular self. My internal clock is getting back on track and I'm starting to walk up early again. Today I bounced out of bed. NO more needles.. No more compression socks! You have no idea how happy this made me today!

Day 15

I'm feeling more like myself! I may have overdid it a little yesterday with our excursions to Walmart, Homesense, Home Depot, The toy store, Goodness Me, and a basketball game but I was feeling so good... Even got my trusty old lysol wipes out to do some cleaning..and scrubbing,  but I woke up today with some sore muscles and knew that I needed to take it easy today!

First time driving today in over two weeks, and it was OK. Still hard to turn the wheel a little, but we made it to the donut shop for a much needed girl date this morning! Sprinkle donuts and hot chocolate!

Took it easy this morning, did a little work, then another basketball game tonight!

Tummy is looking good though! Still pretty swollen and tender, but on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being an incredible improvement to what I was looking at before, I'd say we are sitting at a 15! :)

How about the scars?

Honestly.. I didn't even care or even really ask about them.  

I just knew that I didn't want to look at the loose skin for the rest of my life, and would gladly hide a the scar under my underwear line.  

If you look closely you can see some skin puckers, which is totally normal, and it smooths out after a while.  Swelling is still very much real, and if I overdo it, it does get worse.  The compression garment helps so much.  

Overall, I'm so happy and look forward to seeing some abs eventually!

Day 16

Mommy Makeover Recovery.  

You ever feel unmotivated? Lacking energy? A BUSY schedule.. and it’s TOO MUCH. Today I woke up feeling just that.


NO Exercise and I’m feeling it! BIG TIME. The power plant just doesn’t wake up and HAVE energy.. It GENERATES it.. So when you are INACTIVE, your energy levels dip!

It’s been CRAZY. Toss full in recovery (currently operating at 40%)… A little girl with an ear infection, and a little baby with her first cold, 3 basketball games, piano recitals, Christmas parties, 2 doctors appointments, a husband screwing up the milk order form, lunch dates, a business to run, a rental properly to manage, parties to plan, presents to wrap..a MAN COLD BREWING (pray for me)... deadlines to meet, and a funeral to go to today, the LIST NEVER ends.

But here’s the deal.. and here’s the deal for YOU.

You’ve currently survived 100% of the HARDEST days of your life, and you should STILL smile each and every day.

We often WAIT.. Wait to be happy.. Wait until things slow down. Wait for the pain to subside. Wait for approval. WAIT for the timing to be right. Wait to start. Wait until JANUARY… but we CANNOT wait.

All we have is TODAY, and today only, so amidst all of the CHAOS.. We STILL show up. We KEEP MOVING FORWARD. We keep doing our best. We keep smiling..


Why? Because HAPPY girls are the most prettiest..

And waiting around wishing, hoping, praying, complaining, and blaming ain’t going to make OUR lives better. It’s what we do TODAY that changes our tomorrow.

Have yourself a beautiful day.

The little things..

Not even kidding.. Do you know how great it feels to put on some nice clothes, jewelry, curl your hair, and meet with a BFF for sushi after a couple weeks. I can make time for this.. lol Yup. Yup I can.

2 Week Check UP

2 week follow up today, and I have to say I'm feeling SO good. I told Dennis this morning that I felt good enough to do a workout! lol.. Well. not THAT great, but still. I'm feeling like I'm coming back to life! I returned my breathing apparatus, and my collection of needles over the past 2 weeks!

Thinking back to day 1 post op in comparison to today, such a huge change, and I'm so grateful and blessed for this body of mine. It's ability to heal, and to get stronger every day.

My appointment went amazing! Tummy looks great, flat, but still swollen! I should be cleared for light cardio in 2 weeks.. Light cardio meaning a treadmill.. or elliptical, but that won't be happening.. I don't do those machine things..and would much rather walk around a shopping mall.

Absolutely no targeted ab work until I get the go ahead from my surgeon!

Taking it one day at at time, and going into Christmas Holidays feeling fab!

Day 19 Recovery

In ALIGNMENT. Standing TALL.🙌

Og Mandigo once said that many of us NEVER ever discover our success because we become so side tracked by secondary activity.

So my friends, I’ve decided THIS morning, 19 days post op that it was TIME to get up, and get back to my miracle mornings! I NEED this time to sit, to BREATHE, to fill my head with the good stuff, to collect my thoughts…. MY SUCCESS as a woman, wife, MOTHER, coach, business owner, daughter, sister, friend, depends on it.

ALARM SET… This mama is up.

My wonderful nurse told me that she wanted me to start trying to lay flat on my back on a hard surface…. I shall say it was the HARDEST ab workout I’ve ever done.

No joke. I’ve been walking and sleeping bent over for these past 19 days and now it’s time to start getting straightened out…

Standing TALL, in ALIGNMENT…. and then I thought about that quote….

We just freely give our time away until we have NONE left for ourselves.

Some will NEVER reach their goals, because we say we have NO time to do the things we wanna do, we are busy making excuses or complaining, and are stuck in our OWN heads.

Here’s the real truth....There is time .. PLENTY of time… and it’s our job to manage that.

So….

• What is holding you back from standing tall?
• What is keeping you out of alignment?
• What do you keep doing that is preventing you from success?
• Who do you need to forgive?
• What do you need to let go of?
• What do you keep giving away that is preventing you from success in your life own?
• What stories do you keep replaying over and over again that keep you weighed down?
• What secondary activities do you do that is taking away from more IMPORTANT things in your life?

Only YOU can answer those things.. and when you do.. ...when you learn to correct it, and align yourself…

You’ll be standing taller than you ever thought possible… and SUCCESS.....

Well that will naturally happen when you get out of your own damn way!

Success or Failure, is ultimately 100% up to you remember.

Have the most beautiful day! Time to hit the shower before the 3 littles wake up and all hell breaks loose!

Work from Home Life

It's been tough.. Let me tell you.. It's hard for me to "take it easy".. I miss my morning sweat session so much.. and not being able to move as fast as I would like is no fun. Listening to my body is key, and I've been taking it SLOW..

Business for me is however, is busy as ever. Over 200 ladies world wide are joining me this January to get healthy, strong, and start their life transformations.

Having a career that allows me to work in my housecoat, and clock in when and where I feel like has been a blessing! Also having my husband home full-time.. priceless! Kind of overdid it the other day, so I'm spending the holidays relaxing as much as possibly can.

I can't stop looking though.. Still So swollen, but I've never seen my belly so smooth and flat. Ever.

True what they say.. The pain is temporary, but it's SO worth it!

Day 21.. Abs!

You GUYS!! Do you SEE what I SEE?? I’m 21 days post op.... Merry Christmas to meeeeee!

Still looking about 6 months pregnant, still very swollen, still having to take it easy, still having to do some deep massage..... still bruised....but LOOK.....

The first sign of ABS without all that hanging loose skin!

I’m not even flexing! They ARE under there!

I cant' even tell you how crazy the difference is. It's amazing that the time has flown by, and I've since long forgotten about the crazy kind of pain I was in... but seeing this, and seeing the progress of how far I've come has been SO worth it.

I should be getting downstairs getting ready for Christmas dinner, but I'm just gonna sit here a little longer and admire this. 

Day 22..  A little pampering

I'm winning! It's been such an emotional mental battle for me.. I just wanna be back to "normal".. and to be able to do the things I wanna do.. Baby steps.

Considering 22 days ago I needed another person to put my socks on, today I was able to paint toe nails! A step in the right direction! All nail polish needed to be removed for surgery.. T'was time to fix that.

My choice today was Rapunzel Pink!

No Negative Thoughts..

When was the last time you looked in the mirror and had no negative thoughts?

Truth be told I told my surgeon yesterday that since losing all my weight there has NEVER been a day.. 😢

Never been a day where I didn’t look at my belly.. my wrinkly loose hanging skin.. and have a negative thought. I hated the fact that I couldn’t improve my current state by regular diet and exercise, and I hated HATING my belly 😢.

For OVER 25 years I’ve lived with those negative thoughts, and while I worked EXTREMELY hard to lose 80 pounds before kids, 130 pounds of baby weight, and am SO VERY grateful 🙏for this body of mine, it just didn’t feel like the body I worked so hard for... and I knew I was NOT prepared to live out the rest of this life of mine despising it.

SO I decided to do something about it, and today… standing here..24 days later.

💜🙌I AM FINALLY FREE🙌💜

While some won’t ever understand my journey, will pass judgment, I am 150% confident in my personal decision and what was right for ME.

I have been flooded with an overwhelming response by those who have lost a tremendous amount of weight, who have worked hard, and are left with a body they feel prisoner in. I’ve decided I’m going to finally share the progress pictures, as there’s no point in hiding it anymore.

This is REAL LIFE here… and I’m not shameful for I know that when you are REAL, 💜when you are AUTHENTICALLY YOURSELF 💜when you SHARE your story it will not only HEAL you, but it will HEAL someone else. By sharing your story you FREE YOURSELF and give other people permission to acknowledge their own story.

.. and that my friends, is what I am all about.

I’m still sporting this garment for 3 more weeks, and still in Swell Hell... but man...

It looks SO good 😍

The day I cried in the bathroom

The day I cried 😢 in the bathroom….

The day I knew it was time…

Size 2. XS. 132 pounds. Healthy. Strong. Clean Eater.. Exercises 5-6 days a week.

Here I was being trained by a world class super trainer, in the middle of an incredible ABS, Legs and Booty program and THIS was my reality..

Some times I would self sabotage myself... “What’s the point”.... this is “HOPELESS”... it’s never going to get better..

But this time I DID NOT self sabotage myself. I followed the plan by a team of nutrition experts and a super trainer. 100% commitment. 100% dedicated.

As I watched everyone else get their abs, their bodies changing, MINE was HERE.... The reality of YEARS of obesity. 3 Babies. 3 C sections. Diastastis Recti.

I cried 2 times that week. My son caught me. I felt silly as I wiped my tears of shame... I’m a grown ass woman... Crying over this... It was time.

I went on to finish my 80 Day Program, committed 100% to my nutrition and my daily workouts, lost an additional 10 pounds, 14 inches, and was left with even MORE loose skin, making me a PRIME candidate for loose skin removal and a full Tummy Tuck.

I did EVERYTHING I could do... and now just needed help.

As a coach I see transformations EVERY DAY. Some are lucky and bounce back.. Me.. not so much.

I knew that after I put in the work, got to my goal weight, was in the ABSOLUTE BEST SHAPE, I was going to fix this.. once and for all, so on my 36th birthday, I skipped the cake... and I called the clinic and booked the surgery I’ve been waiting YEARS for.

And TODAY.. I’m happy to report I cried tears of JOY.  For the first time in my life, I feel NO SHAME.

I will share with you my 24 day progress picture tonight!

My mind is blown, I think yours will be too!

Transformation Time

Picture in the LEFT... Just wrapped up my last workout before surgery. 122 pounds.

Picture on the RIGHT... Today. 124 pounds.

I tried to find the right words of how I am feeling Day 24, and I don’t think there are enough words to articulate the kind EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE this loose skin had on me.

I can’t tell you how happy I feel when I am FINALLY FREE after all these years, able to look in the mirror and NOT feel shame… and the kicker..

I’m still about 60% swollen here.. so the BEST is yet to come!.. Imagine how well my transformation will look in a few months!

For YEARS I battled my weight, and although changing my lifestyle, learning how to eat healthy and incorporating daily exercise into my day was the BEST decision I ever could have made for myself, and my family, it often leaves us with emotional pain points.

My loose skin was THAT pain point.

Always tucking it into my pants, always feel self conscious when my belly was exposed. Always buying dresses with “rooshing”....Always feeling like no matter how HARD I tried it wasn’t getting better. Always finding the right angle, or the best lighting for pictures. 

Bullshitting my way between “ACCEPTANCE”... and Shame.. a back and forth mental battle.... I played for years. The “acceptance” part lost every time. I couldn’t “accept” it... So I knew after I was done having my children, I’d bust tail to do the work to get into the best shape, and then change what proper nutrition and exercise could not do.

TODAY…. as I cried tears of JOY.

SO beyond grateful! The words FUCK YA.. may have also come out of my mouth today!

Day 26

My surgeon said I did a super great job getting ultra fit before my surgery so I can fully appreciate the waist shape and muscles... He said as the months go on I’m going to look even more amazing... and he inserted this 👉 #shredded

Truth be told I started my surgery at 122 pounds, and ended Christmas at 126.8... It’s HARD to look in the mirror and take responsibility for the crap you fed to your face.

Since abs and RESULTS will always happen in the kitchen I dialled my nutrition back in and this morning woke up at 121.8 pounds and got my daily dose of 6 salads, superfoods, vitamins, minerals and prebiotics and a side of oatmeal, with berries.. snacks and lunch will be sensible then we have a date night tonight with some friends!

Amazing what you can achieve in 3 DAYS of getting back on the wagon. 5 pounds down.

SO excited to see what I will look like when my swelling goes down and my “shredded” abs appear.. After all, I’ve worked damn hard for them. It’s about time I start to see them.

Should be cleared for “light cardio” in a couple weeks... Whatever that means... Mall walking maybe!

Love the skin you're in!

When was the last time you just woke up and loved EVERY bit of the skin you were in?

God.. It's been SO long, and I can't get over it. As the days go by, my abs are starting to FINALLY make their grand appearance, and I'm still in shock.

Bring on summer.. All those tankinis are going in the garbage! Crazy to believe I'm still so swollen here at 27 days post op!

The Change Within...

Change is painful, but NOTHING is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong... I mean you could bullshit yourself, justify, make excuses, blame others but eventually you’ll get tired of listening to the BS stories you tell yourself.

28 Days post op, and I can tell you waking up, looking in the mirror and having an overwhelming feeling of ACCEPTANCE is priceless.

Truth be told, the HARDEST part of my transformation needed to take place on the inside… A part of my journey that I work at EVERY day. Usually your outter world is a reflection of your inner world, as much as you care to admit....

SELF LOVE… Respect. Standards. Letting Go. Forgiveness. ACCEPTANCE. It’s something that most never find.. or it’s something that most NEED to find, but focus on other things like.....

Making excuses, complaining, “hoping”, wishing, hating, and staying stuck in the past.... or you know.... playing hours of candy crush, or comparing your life to others but FAILING to take ACTION in your own life.

My journey.. It’s been a long one, but the BEST TRANSFORMATION of all…

Not a number on a scale....not a pant size....Not flab abs...or bulging muscles.

LOVING yourself while you’re WORKING on the person you were meant to be all along.

If you make one goal this year, make it that.

LOVE. It’s a pretty powerful and life changing experience. You cannot be HEALTHY without that. Eat healthy, and move your body simply because you LOVE yourself enough.

I’m still bruised and swollen, but feeling fantastic overall!

Gonna throw out those one piece bathing suits and tankinis this year too... Nope... they ain’t happening anymore.

4 Week Progress

Guys... Can you believe it’s been 4 weeks today since I had all my loose skin removed and my muscles repaired!! 

4 weeks ago I couldn’t even shower by myself, walk more than 5 feet, or put on my own socks... and TODAY... I’m gonna be cleared for light exercise! NO ab work though!

Says something doesn’t it??... Without STRUGGLE there is NO STRUGGLE .... and you could do 1 million crunches but ABS are made in the kitchen, and thank god I’ve been mindful of what goes into my mouth!

I’m still very swollen, not standing up straight all the way, and muscle are still sore, but...

I’ve got a perfect program to start back with. 

You thought I was HAPPY before.. WAIT until I start getting my daily dose of endorphins!

Exercise is my drug of choice.

Screw the abs... I just wanna be HEALTHY, Happy, feel good on the INSIDE.

After all.. There some no special place in heaven for those with abs... but you’ll be getting up there sooner than expected if you keep eating shit and being lazy all the time.... #truestory

If you can’t do it for yourself. Do it for your family. You’re kind of a BIG DEAL

Have the most beautiful day!

You know.. it really IS the little things we take for granted. Laying flat on my back is currently one of my favourite things to do! For the past 4 weeks sleep has been a little challenging and for the first few weeks I slept propped up at a 45 degree angle.. This RIGHT HERE.. as s little piece of heaven.. until my 5 minutes are up, and I have to use my abs to get me up! My 5 minutes of solitude to just breathe, think, and do nothing... It's bliss, and it feels SO good to stretch out!

So thankful

Today I get back to my fitness!! Modified with no abs or weights, but I’m good with taking it slow!

I’ve learned that 2 people can look at the EXACT same situation differently. PERSPECTIVE...

*I don’t have to workout... I GET to.

*I don’t have to get up... I’ve been BLESSED with another day to LIVE.

*I don’t workout because I HATE my body, I workout because I LOVE myself enough to take care of my body, and I want to be the BEST version of ME possible.

*I don’t sweat, I sparkle.

Eckhart Tolle once said the PRIMARY cause of our UNHAPPINESS is NEVER the situations but THOUGHTS about it!

Moral of the story. If you wanna change your life. Change hose crappy thoughts!

Oh incase You are one of THOSE people who complain about having NO time... try saying I am ABUNDANTLY BLESSED with OPPORTUNITY and see where that gets you!

Have a wonderful day! Time for this mama to get her sweat on!

First Bikini...

I can't even tell you how amazing this feels..

Walking into a bikini store and not even having to worry about "will that look good on me".. or saying "I could never wear that"... Or getting into a change room and just hating your belly or loose skin. Yes, I hated it... and that mental game was exhausting. Can't imagine how much energy that took! Hating the skin you're in.

Honestly. As I tried on these swimsuits today, I just couldn't help be feel SO happy with my decision. All the pain, the tears, the crappy nights sleep.. So worth it! You can see her that I'm still bruised, and my incision line just sits under my bikini line.. as the days go by, my bruising will diminish, my scars will fade, and come summer...

The tankinis will be gone! You see.. during my weight loss I was never chasing a number.. or a pant size.. I was chasing a FEELING.

I just want to FEEL happy and 100% comfortable in my own skin! Today was a victory!

Day 35

There is ONE person standing in your way.. It's you. Honestly, as the days go by, and my body continues to heal, I can't help but be amazed! Still taking it SUPER SLOW, still not able to fully go all in with my workouts, and NO ab work, but I'm here, doing my thing, feeding my body good food, and feeding my brain good food too ;). Reading good books. Listening to amazing podcasts. MINDSET is key!

No Shame. Just being the voice...

SHAME needs 3 things to grow exponentially in our lives. Secrecy, silence, and judgement ~ Brene Brown

I’ve been living in this body for 36 years... and it’s been 36 days since I’ve had my LIFE changing surgery. 1 pound of skin was removed!

Full muscle repair for diastasis recti, Tummy Tuck… and YES..for those asking... and speculating ...,I did opt for the FULL...MOMMY MAKEOVER,  cause hell.... at 36, I feel just too damn young to NOT feel good about myself for the next 60+ years!

Truth be told out of all of my posts on social media, opening up about my decision about plastic surgery was THE hardest one.

Why? Because part of me felt SHAME. Part of me thought this should be kept SECRET so no one would JUDGE me.

The ULTIMATE internal recipe for disaster!

But for I know SILENCE is SUFFERING and in order for ME to FULLY heal, I needed to stand tall, be proud, and use my story as a means to INSPIRE others who may be feeling the same.... and lets face it. NO ONE talks about this stuff.

So I will.  It’s actually been a blessing to be able to connect with women all over the world!

I wanted to be a VOICE for those SUFFERING with body image issues, so that they KNOW, that there is absolutely NO SHAME. You gotta own it, and do YOU, for those who judge are not worthy of your attention anyways, nor have walked a mile in your shoes.

If you’re operating out of a place of SHAME, guilt, secrecy, or UNWORTHINESS , well friends... that is NOT healthy. Period, and that needs to change.

I teared up at my follow up appointment last week. After years of obesity, I’ve NEVER been able to look at my belly in the mirror and love what I see. Sure I could bullshit myself somedays... but let’s face it. Those voices weren’t going away without proper intervention with the help of some ridiculously talented and life changing angels.

There is NO shame in my life.. and you wanna know the BEST part??? I no longer judge MYSELF or even worry about the judgements of others either, for I’m not doing this for them.

I did it for ME.

My best advice for those asking.. For those thinking. For those battling those negative inner voices.

Work HARD on yourself to make the appropriate changes first to get healthy... and listen to your OWN inner voice and wisdom.

Don’t let the opinions of others drown out your own inner voice. Do what YOU wanna do, cause you only get one shot, and feeling SHAME or being unhappy is truly no way to LIVE.

Any regrets on my end? Nope. None. Zilch. Zero.

I’m still very swollen, and I’ve still got some weeks before I’m back in the full swing of my fitness. I can’t wait to jump back in!

Day 40

Day 40. ABS after pizza !

I feel SO free... Getting healthy and fit, then opting to have 1.1 pounds of loose skin removed was truly one of the BEST decisions I have ever made.

This 1.1 pounds of flesh held me prisoner for 16 years. After losing 80 pounds before kids, 130 pounds of baby weight... 3 c sections, I was left with loose skin, diastasis recti, that weighed on me EMOTIONALLY for years.

No matter how 100% bang on I was with my nutrition... how hard I worked on my fitness, I was fighting a battle I was NEVER going to win alone.

At 119 pounds, size XS... I had no more weight to lose, and skin always left me feeling as if I ALWAYS had MORE work to do... I needed to eat better.... I needed to workout more.... more more MORE

Never feeling GOOD ENOUGH..., and no matter how hard I tried mentally to UNLEARN negative thought patterns... I was never content... My efforts never showed.

It left me with so many mixed emotions, so much personal judgment, self hatred, jealously, and it’s just something I wasn’t willing to tolerate for the rest of my life.

I did the work. I put in the hours. I still do the work. I still exercise. I eat pizza occasionally. I don’t NEED a 6 pack, nor is that my goal. You won’t ever see me on stage competing in a bikini with heels... just not my jam. I’m not into booty gains... or ripped muscles either. I really don’t care about that stuff. I don’t need a trophy. I don’t need validation from anyone.

What I really needed??? I simply wanted to look myself in the damn mirror and FEEL 100% proud of the skin I’m in!

I just had to lose some skin to get that, and I’m SO beyond thankful for the people who gave this girl her emotional health back!

Still swollen, still taking it easy, but every day... I’m getting stronger.

(And yes... a girl can STILL eat 4 slices of pizza and look amazing ... I’m Hopping back on the wagon today)

Still sore.. Taking it easy..

It's been a while since I've done an update, but I'm still here.. Just over the 6 week post op mark, and I've had a rough couple of days. I clearly underestimated recovery time, or my expectations were waaaay off.. I thought at 6 weeks I'd be working out, joining in my with online challengers, and starting a new fitness program. Nope. Not happening.

My abs are still sore, I'm not feeling comfortable lifting any heavy weights, and I'm listening to my body. Despite truly missing my morning sweat sessions,

I'm still trying my best to do SOMETHING every day.

I'm taking it ONE day at a time, but am still forever grateful not only to have a home based business that allows me to share my fitness journey, and would allow me to pay for such a life changing surgery, but one that would allow me to still take the MUCH needed time I needed to recover!

Looking forward to the day I no longer have to wear this garment, and modify! Soon enough!

Same Girl. Same Weight.  New Smile!

Same girl. Same weight. 45 Days Post Op, and I could cry.

Still here. Still swollen. Still in some minor pain. Still taking it easy.

You hear it all the time, beauty is from the inside out. I KNOW it… I BELIEVE it… I still teach it…but what happens when your BEAUTY on the INSIDE is dulled by what you see on the outside?? Day after day, and no matter how HARD you try, it never gets better.

You could tell yourself this a million times, but deep WITHIN you, you know it.. and it affects your every day being.

1 pound of skin was removed, and yet I feel as if 5000 pounds of weight has been lifted.

I wish I could describe the feeling. The freedom. I wish I could articulate HOW much my life was affected by this skin, in such a simple post, but until you’ve lived it.. you may not fully understand.

While the decision to open up publicly to undergo corrective surgery was a hard one to make, it was the best decision I ever could have made.

You know it’s funny.. as I almost NEVER shared about this part of my journey as I worried that people would “think” I took the EASY way out. People would think less of me. But I was SO wrong.

There was NOTHING easy about THIS. I worked my ass off to lose the weight, battled my lifelong battle with OBESITY, tone up, and get myself HEALTHY again.

The “EASY” way would have been settling in a body I knew I didn’t want to be in. In turn making MY life so much harder. I took the easy way out for many years... and it never worked out to my advantage. Ever.

If you do what is EASY.. your life becomes hard… but if you do what is HARD… Your life becomes EASY. ~ SO true!

6 Weeks Post Op!

Still here. Still Showing up. Getting Stronger Every Day! 6 weeks post op, and I still have some minor ab pain. Modifying, my modified workouts, and still taking it easy. My morning routine isn't about the outside, it's more of an internal one. I don't need abs. Yup, sure they are nice to have, but I'd much rather have a strong mind!

7 Weeks Post Op

7 Weeks Post OP!! I am NOT morning person.. but the 5am Club is pretty glorious. The pain is temporary remember!

Sweat Session Complete....

HONOURING THE WOUNDS

Sweating it out, and finding my way.

You see friends…. What you’ve been searching for is in YOUR hands.

Sitting around thinking about the things you cannot go back and change.

I’m not talking about the physical wounds, but I’m talking about the emotional ones... The ones that are keeping you SMALL and keeping you STUCK.

The sadness. The hurt. The disappointments. The betrayals. The broken promises. The unfairness. The regrets. The should haves. The could haves.

Time is flying by, and today is the only day you’re ever promised.

Why not get the hell up and DO something to make you SMILE.

To make you proud of yourself. To make you happier. To HEAL yourself. To make you HEALTHIER.

To make you a better person. To make you STRONGER?

Totally worked for me.

The real TRUTH. Sometimes YOU are the problem.

Get out of your own damn way.. or shall I say, get out of your own damn HEAD.

Feeling STRONG lately. NO ab pain, and itching to go full force again, but taking it ONE day at a time!

A life long battle... beaten

Capturing this moment at 7 weeks post op. I put this bathing suit on and didn't even think twice. I can't tell you how amazing this feels to not have to worry about loose, deformed, wrinkly skin. To just.... Be Happy and Comfortable! I'm still pretty swollen and by the end of the night I'm super puffy! Still rocking my compression garment 95% of the day and still taking it easy!

Keeping it clean and healthy in the kitchen though, as that's truly where the magic happens!

Tummy Tuck Transformation Update!

It’s been a while since I’ve shared an update. Still hanging in here... Still recovering... Still swollen some days.. Still some bruising...

Still BLOWS MY MIND that 10 weeks ago I took the picture on the left the morning of my surgery. Scared shitless, but more excited than anything to move on to the next phase of my journey.

1 pound of flesh was removed, and it felt like a million pounds of weight has been lifted. It’s priceless. It’s an emotional baggage no one truly understands until they’ve lived it... Day after day. Year after year.

Still taking it pretty easy these days but I was able to do a full plank and some slider moves today which is a HUGE win for me.

The more I do, the more I swell up, so it’s been an adjustment. An emotional journey of patience and grace and gratitude for this body of mine.

Having a tummy tuck and muscle repair is NO JOKE. To date it’s been the most painful experience of my life, but if you were to ask me if I would do it again....

Yes. A million times over.

What about the scar??

“She conquered her demons and wore her scars like wings” ~ Atticus

The 3 month mark. Should be fully back to “normal” with no swelling maybe by 6 months.

Since being transparent about my loose skin removal, I’ve connected with SO many amazing women facing the same challenges from extreme weight loss, or having babies... it’s real life here... and yes... THIS STUFF does mess with your emotional HEALTH.

To put this into PERSPECTIVE for you. I had done everything I possibly could. 80 pounds weight loss before kids. 130 pounds of baby weight. 3 c sections. Diastasis Recti. Exercises 5-6 times a week. Healthy Clean Diet. This wasn’t a quick fix or a desperate measure.

I’m 3 pounds HEAVIER than the girl on the left. I’m at peace.

I get asked all the time about my scar.....and if I would go through it again.

My answer is YES. 100% yes.

The EMOTIONAL SCARS of looking at your body and no longer have control of changing it does damage you... As much as I tried to “accept” it... and BS myself into the whole “self love”, “gratitude”, and “acceptance” thing....it didn’t work... A deep rooted emotional scar that DID affect my life... No matter how hard I tried, my skin was staring back at me..... This is my truth.... No shame or need to hide it.

Do what you gotta do to find your inner peace. Work hard on creating the kind of life you want, and know that this is YOUR journey, YOUR TRUTH, and your life and you must stand in your power and own it!

PS. This will fade a lot more as the months go by... and the swelling will be less. It’s touch and go every day depending on how much I do. Hence why some days I have abs... Some days I don’t.

6 months post op!

6 month post op was this week... and YUP!!!!

Best investment I EVER could have made. If you want to know specifics.. it was just shy of $24,000 that I invested into myself.

I'm in my body 24/7.. and a LOT longer than a car, so yes. I'll gladly pick ME first.

Feeling like a while new woman. 1 pound of loose skin was removed but it felt like a MILLION pounds of emotional baggage is FINALLY gone.

Finally after all these years I’m able to look at myself in the mirror and love everything I see.

Priceless!!

Still showing up to my fitness and healthy eating thing as I'm fully committed to a lifestyle change... and ABS are totally made in the kitchen! So amazing that after ALL these years, you can see them!

So thankful!

It’s been a while, and I’m at the 10 month mark. Still 100% the BEST decision I ever could have made for my life.

I have been getting SO many messages! Asking about my fitness routine post op, and how the recovery was. I will always say this! Still the MOST painful experience of my life, but still the MOST rewarding decision of my life.

I’m all for fake boobs, fake hair, fake tans, fake eyelashes if that floats your boat, but what I’m NOT okay with is FAKE SMILES. Faking happy. If you know deep within your soul you cannot accept your body even how many stories of convincing you tell yourself, and how many positive affirmations you tell yourself, you still find yourself looking in the mirror at hating your reflection, then I just want to be that voice, telling you, you DO NOT need permission or APPROVAL to do something you feel will be right for your soul. You do not need to feel shameful, or worry about being judged. This is your life. Your body and you do what you feel is best for you!

If you can accept it. Great, but if you can’t. Do everything in your power to change it! Heck.. Some people spend way more on a car.. A hunk of mental that will be scrap in 10 years to drive to a job. You’re in your body 24 hours a day! Best you LOVE IT right?!

I’m still working out. Still eating healthy as this is my life! Just no amount of the above would helped, but getting rid of 1 pound of loose skin felt like a MILLION pounds lost! Still SO grateful for Dr. Ahmad, and Dr. Lista at the Plastic Surgery Clinic!

Finally feeling GOOD ENOUGH!

Nothing will EVER be good enough for you. Words that’s someone said to me... Words that stung... but it was the truth. Words I keep close to my heart, any time I catch myself. When will it be ENOUGH? When will you STOP striving? Inner Peace, Wholeness, and Acceptance is a tough goal to achieve.

One of the biggest transformations this past year in 2018 that I learned the most about... BODY IMAGE ... Please keep reading as our greatest task in life is getting OVER ourselves so we can become our TRUE highest self. The soul. The higher self that is NOT attached to a body, a number, a status. Releasing our EGO so we can LIVE HAPPY and WHOLE!

I’m going to be VERY real here. I lost a pound of skin in 2018. Felt like a million pounds of BAGGAGE. This loose skin made me feel like I had to keep doing MORE. Had to keep striving. Had MORE work to do. I hated it.

My stomach was fixed, but then I became instantly fixated on the OTHER parts of my body that I hated. I gained 6 pounds. Cellulite in my ass. Stretch marks on my arms... fluff around the love handles. I picked. I pulled. I used words NOT of love, but of weakness.

That needed to shift. That needed to change and I went through a shift of becoming my highest self not attached to EGO.

A number, or fluff around the middle. It’s why I felt called to create my online courses, as really transformation is an INSIDE JOB. 

It’s an INSIDE job comprised of letting go over emotional blockages, forgiving, gratitude and forgiveness... and LOVE!

I’m not saying you shouldn’t work on yourself. Surgery is not vain, if it’s for the right reasons and if something truly bothers you, then YES... call up my angels The Plastic Surgery Clinic, c and change it.

But don’t get so caught up in the exteriors that you forget what’s on the INSIDE. Don’t get so caught up striving for perfection because it’s impossible.

Love the skin you’re in. Breathe LOVE into your body and soul daily and speak kindness to yourself each and every day... even if that means you’ve got cellulite, stretch marks, loose skin and wrinkles.

My goal will always be this. LOVE.  It’s the answer to everything.

If you need some help finding your freedom, be sure to join here:

https://www.lindsayrose.ca/foodfreedom