I lay there in bed as a little tear streamed down my face and answered the question. My husband asked me what I did before I became a mother. Part of me was deeply sad. The other part was angry and frustrated.

Well. I worked, I went to school, worked some more, and took care of everyone else’s problems.

Then I became a mother.

I worked. I learned some more because, you know… you must always be “upgrading” yourself. I worked even harder and yes, still took care of everyone else’s problems.

Constantly feeling like I had to do more, achieve more, help more, give more, and that where I was was never good enough. The strong one. The fixer. The people pleaser. The good girl. The party planner. The listener. The dumping ground for everyone else’s problems. The free therapist. The one that held everything together.

The one that just served everyone.  Waiting on others hand and foot, anticipating everyone else's, showing up with snacks, checking in, and then in the quiet hours she was alone feeling so lonely, lost and out of place because her own needs were never being met.  

In that moment I felt extreme sadness for the woman I was before. I apologized to her.

I said I was sorry.

There was someone within who had big dreams and a life of her own too. Someone who was creative, smart, funny, fun, energized, and who knew exactly what she wanted to do when she grew up.

A woman I had just brushed to the side as I was taking on roles, responsibilities, and tasks. Some tasks and “other duties as assigned” that were never my own to take care of.

The woman I had to be, just trying to survive and doing my very best to make everyone else happy. 

But then a shift happens, and the person you were before is gone.

Dead. Unavailable. No longer here. Unreachable. She’s currently on Do Not Disturb. An extended vacation. She’s resting in peace, and she’s not coming back.

Not in the same way at least. She’s coming back better than ever before. Healthier, happier, stronger, wiser, more loving, kinder, and softer.

You finally have the courage to say no to the “other duties as assigned,” and you’re fired, and that’s your blessing in disguise. The rejection. The failure. The royal screw-up. The dark season. The burial. The resurrection. The new creation.

Because guess what happens when you finally stand up for yourself and choose yourself first?

Some people will not like that, and what looks like a failure is actually a divine redirection.

If you’re lucky, something lands in your lap that shakes you to your core, wakes you up, and you’re never the same. For some, this wake-up call is soft, gentle, and it’s made from a place of just, “Meh… I need to make a change, so maybe I’ll look for a new job.”

For others it’s brutal.

It’s unexpected. It’s painful, it’s scary, and it’s made from a space of, “If I don’t make this change, or if I don’t do this thing, I am probably going to either die or I’m not going to make it.”

If I had to choose between which option is better and which option actually propels you to success faster, it’s probably the one where you have no place to go except forward or up.

The bridges have been burned, you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, and now it’s your time to find out what you’re truly made of. As Eminem says… “Success is my only motherfucking option. Failure’s not.”

But I’d also challenge someone to ask themselves why they keep experiencing these types of brute-force or painful experiences. For it’s never just someone else’s fault. Sure, the universe might be moving you and forcing you outside of your comfort zones, but you might also be the problem yourself…

And I’ll save that deeper conversation for another time.

Let’s face it.

Making a change can be hard.

There are many people who say that life is hard, and yes, when we unpack everything, sure, life might have been hard. When you go through a breakup, when you lose a job suddenly, when someone dies unexpectedly, when you become a single mother, that shit is hard.

But when you wake up and after you have truly found yourself and paid careful attention to your thoughts and inner beliefs, life is actually pretty easy. For you’re now the one that gets to decide and you’re not just running on autopilot.

You’re no longer just doing things for the sake of doing them. You’re actually being who you were created to be, and anything that stands in the way of that gets a no.

However, who you are now is very different from who you were in your past. How you operate and live your life is also very different. Even the work you do and your own schedule will be different… as that’s the whole point of transformation.

It’s change, and for some people… well, they don’t like change and they want everything to stay the same, and that’s just not how things work in this world.

Change is constant, and if you don’t get used to change, well… you will probably still be stuck in the exact same situation 10 years from now, and that fucking sucks.

But when you truly change your life and are being who you were created to be, this is the most empowered state to be in. You’re finally in the driver’s seat of your own life and you are the creator of your own reality.

After a spiritual awakening, you can find yourself in somewhat of an unknown, never-before-seen zone.

The zone of “What the fuck do I do now?”

You have faced all of your shadows, been honest with yourself, shined light onto all of your own insecurities, have taken full responsibility for your life, discovered the lies that you might have once believed to be true, healed your wounds, faced your fears, dealt with your trauma, forgiven yourself and others, have integrated or begun to integrate all parts of you into who you are right now, and then you’re left alone…

With yourself.

The self that you might have neglected because you were too busy taking care of everyone else.

For many, this can be a very difficult time because they have come to the painful realization that for most of their life, they haven’t really been living their life at all.

They’ve been either living a lie, living someone else’s life, repeating generational trauma that was handed to them, or doing what everyone else wants at the expense of their own heart and soul.

So for someone who has spent most of their life living or working for others, they find themselves in an uncomfortable zone of not really knowing what they like or what to do for fun. But the great thing about this is that you have a lot more extra time on your hands because you’re no longer the one always coming to the rescue for others, and the duties you take on?…

Well, they are done because you actually want to do them, not because you’re told you have to.

You’re also not someone who is willing to just give themselves away to just anyone.

Your time, energy, and your life are precious and sacred.

You’ve worked way too hard on yourself to just go back to things or people that do not serve you.

So transitioning from constantly doing to being is weird at first, and one might ask themselves, “Who am I when I’m not always working or helping someone else?”

Well, you’re a person of real worth and value, but for many years you might have been getting your worth and value from external validation and not from your own true self.

When you make the shift, when you finally wake up, there is a freedom.

Your life becomes a lot more peaceful and it’s finally your very own.

At first, it might feel painful. It might feel lonely and boring, and allowing yourself to feel lonely or feel bored is absolutely okay. Allowing yourself to grieve is also necessary.

The other difficulty some people might find is that the things they used to do to pass the time away in the past are absolutely draining, negative, and soul-sucking.

So no, there’s no going back. That ship has sailed.

So what do you do?

I mean, at first you might find yourself extremely exhausted.

Your body might need a lot of naps from the emotional exertion you’ve been so freely putting out there, but it’s now time to call that energy back to yourself.

It’s now time to rest, receive, and just remain connected to yourself, and there is where the real identity shift happens because you’re not what you do.

You’re simply a spiritual being, and that being doesn’t need to do anything. But on the flip side, also sitting around and doing nothing all day long does get a little bit boring from time to time, and bed rotting?

Well, that’s cool for a day, but you’re going to have to find some things that you truly love to do and enjoy. You’re going to have to decide to get up and make the most of your life, because ultimately that’s exactly why you are here.

So today I wanted to put together a list of things you can do if you’re bored and not sure what the fuck to do just yet.

1. Find a new way to make your coffee in the morning, or try something different like a hot chocolate. Add whipped cream and sprinkles for more fun.

2. Bake some brownies and eat however many you want. Seriously. No one gets to the end of their life and regrets having that one extra brownie.

3. Take a nap during the day or two. In the beginning you might find yourself more exhausted. Don’t push through. Honour what your body needs and rest.

4. Spend some extra time cleaning and decluttering your house. Make it as organized and clean as possible.

5. Go through some old pictures and get rid of the ones that you know you’re never going to look at or need again. Put the ones you love in frames or in albums.

6. Start mapping out your next family vacation and start researching the places you want to go.

7. Get crystal clear about what you actually want to do for work and how you want to spend your work days. Be unapologetic about this and know that you can make anything happen for yourself.

8. Get a puppy, or two, or three.

9. Try a new kind of exercise routine and completely switch up what you are doing. Or do nothing and just be lazy. That’s okay too. Honestly, your body probably needs rest. Not another 10,000 steps added in.

10. Start a new business or start something that truly matters to you, and I mean matters to you. Not what you think other people will need, like, or want, but something you need, like, or want.

11. Start a new hobby or craft.

12. Redecorate your bedroom or update your furniture.

13. Visit a new flower shop each week and buy yourself some fresh flowers. Be sure to get them right out of the cooler. They last longer!

14. Visit a small town and visit some shops.

15. Stock up on your favourite-smelling candles and pick a new scent of the week.

16. Visit a new bookstore and buy yourself a new book to read or start your own library of books you love. Not personal development books, but books that have nothing to do with working on yourself, improving your life, or fixing yourself. You’ve been there. Don’t that. How much self-improvement does one person actually need.

17. Listen to your favourite music while going for a drive in the country.

18. Visit someone you love or find a new place to go on a date each week.

19. Update your wardrobe and get rid of clothes that are no longer you.

20. Take a bubble bath, put on a face mask, and moisturize your body.

Now, I know what you might be thinking…

Well, these are all pretty basic and normal everyday things, and they are.

But for the one who was always doing, going, fixing, and taking care of everyone else’s needs, the basics usually get pushed to the side, and that’s no longer allowed to happen after you have come home to yourself.

There’s no more self-abandonment. No more self-sabotage. No more putting other people’s needs or wants above your own, and that’s the most beautiful part of awakening to your true self.

There’s this old saying: “Always put God first in your life.” As if God is some external entity and is needing you to sacrifice yourself to please others or achieve success.

Another lie you’ve been sold.

Well, surprise. God is within you, and that was the whole point of the spiritual awakening.

It’s finding God.

It’s waking up to who you truly are. The creator of your own life. Your own wild imagination. Your own divine mind. Your own beautiful spirit. The kingdom within you. God consciousness. The one that’s always calling you, whispering to you, loving you, guiding you, leading you, protecting you, providing for you, and helping you every step of the way.

So putting yourself first isn’t selfish.

It’s what it truly means to fill your own cup first and not make the mistake of pouring into others until all of your own needs are met first.

So to answer that question…. What the fuck do you do now?

Well that’s entirely up to you to decide, and that is a beautiful thing.

xo

L

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Additional Reads:

Wake Up and Live - 101 Days of Deep Inner Work to Transform Your Life

Rising Higher - 101 Days of Rising Happy, Healthy and Free to Serve a Greater Good

Personal Power - 101 Day of Relentless Action Forward

Life Worth Living - A 28-Day Guide to Inner Peace, Love, and Joy

Hey, I’m Lindsay Rose Martin

I am a spiritual medium and writer who helps people transform their lives.

Through my work, I help individuals awaken their highest potential, connect with their loved ones on the other side and create lives of vibrant health, happiness, inner peace and personal freedom.

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