From Darkness to LIGHT

mindset self love Jun 14, 2019

My dad bought me a used treadmill once. I thought that if I put that thing in-front of the TV, I’d use it. I laugh 😂 now, as I remember going on it for about 5 minutes while watching Dr. Phil after work one night, and I got off… and sat and watched Dr. Phil with the treadmill in front of me.

I bought the dvds, and never made it past week 1. I’d quit. So naturally when I was approached by a kind, caring woman to join a group she was running, I didn’t want to spend the $60.. nor did I “need help”.

In fact I was closed off, felt instant hate, and nearly blocked her. I was already cynical and predicting FAILURE. As if that’s not reason enough to change.

My pride. My ego. My own sorrow for myself built a cage around my heart.

I was jealous of her better body. I was jealous of her lifestyle. I was jealous of her.

One day I let the love and offering in.. and my life in fact did change. But funny story... 👉👉👉I was the cheap ass person always trying to find “a better deal”.... I didn’t buy from her, and never did it occur to me that her time, her support, her love was worth something. Thankfully she let me in her group anyways.

You wanna know my most proudest transformation over the years? You can’t see it.

💗💗I can look at other women now, and admire and clap for them when I see them having success.

I can love hard on them even when it feels like I’m not winning. I can be inspired by them. I can reach out and pay them a compliment. I can learn from them. I can see their hard work, their belief, their commitment, their dedication, their consistency, their effort, their courage, their confidence, their focus as ALL of those things are in my OWN control.

I am no longer blinded trapped in the DARKNESS but their light shines bright in my eyes, inspiring me to rise up.

I can operate from an open space of inspiration and love without comparison.

When Trauma, stress, disappointment, heartache, failure hit.. it’s actually the time you need THE MOST LOVE.. but you’ve neglected to give it to yourself. You’ve only felt unworthy, like a failure not GOOD ENOUGH… and you my beautiful friends are HUMAM, and are good enough.

Anytime darkness arises in me now, I lean in, and ask myself 👉WHAT DO I NEED TO LEARN here… and the answer is always LOVE. Trust. Kindness. Grace. Generosity. Forgiveness. WORTHINESS.

My heart space is no longer CLOSED and when it does close I WORK HARD to open that sucker back up, because it NEVER feels good.

I’m learning to let more LOVE in. I’m learning to TRUST. I’m learning to let go of baggage that is no longer serving me and I’ve aligned myself with amazing friends who clap when I win. Who WANT me to win. Who support, and encourage growth, and it’s amazing what can happen when you dig deep and stare your own darkness in the face.

You GET what you GIVE friends, but as I look back I was incapable of loving. I was incapable of accepting kind gestures for I was unkind and loving to myself. I deserved better than that.

If you cannot treat yourself kindly, you will resent TREATMENT when you see it in anyone else. If you cannot love yourself, loving others becomes very painful. Essentially you get a dose of your own medicine.

So do a gut check today and ask yourself some tough questions so you can uncover what’s REALLY holding you back from greatness in your own life.

And to all those women out there who have INSPIRED me to do more, be more, love more. THANK YOU!!! 💗

Please don’t ever stop your goodness. Please don’t ever doubt yourself, for if you are the victim to hate, judgement, criticism….. It has NOTHING to do with you, but EVERYTHING to do with the person sitting behind the screen needing to do the inner work to heal, grow and learn.

One day your light will shine SO bright in their eyes they can’t help by look away.... Keep shining! ☀️

Have the most beautiful day.

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If you spend time on social media, you may have found yourself comparing your own life to your friends, family, total strangers, and celebrities. 

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